You are dreaming early in the morning right before waking up. The dream is intense and feels so real! You can touch, see, hear, and maybe even smell and taste vividly what you are experiencing. As you slowly start to wake up, you stay in a state of lingering on that wonderful dream. Maybe you dose off and on and come in and out of the dream. Maybe you hold on to the dream as you begin to wake up and then consciously start to think about what you would have wanted to happen next. When you are fully awake, you wish you were still in that dream and it has aroused all your senses.
This is the power of our minds. We can conjure up the most intense and lucid stories that evoke real sensations and feelings. If you are dreaming about something sexy that turns you on and maybe is something you would like to try or that you just like to imagine, this can lead to real desire and arousal.
Fantasies are just dreams we have while we are awake. When it comes to fantasizing about sexual things, our minds are a great tool to really allow ourselves to be immersed in a scenario that may be hard or scary to create in person. They can also be useful in holding onto powerful and positive experiences we have in the waking world, either by ourselves or with a partner, that can then be used to evoke those same feelings we had during those experiences.
Fantasies can be something we are nervous about and need to practice in minds first before taking that first step. Examples of this could be wanting to try a threesome or have anal sex for the first time. Fantasies can be a trope or a scene we think is arousing and would like to experience ourselves. Fantasies again can also be a memory of something we have experienced and create a way to linger on all those juicy details. The possibilities of what to fantasize about are endless!
Why Would You Use Fantasy?
Many of the clients I work with struggle with desire for sex. For them sex can feel foreign, scary, and not important. Many of these clients describe sex as a chore that is at the bottom of their ‘to do’ list and do not know how to change that thought process.
Other clients I work with have a hard time connecting to themselves and others in sex without experiencing anxiety, shame, or trauma. There may be desire for sex but every time they approach it, they clam up, get in their head, and may feel the need to shut down or run away.
In both of these types of situations, fantasy can help someone connect to themselves and their sexuality. Fantasy allows for you to access that piece of you that is a curious sexual being seeking pleasure and satisfaction. Fantasy can allow you to experience something in the safety of your mind but to also use the curiosity and creativity we all inherently have to understand what turns you on and harness the power of this story to evoke real desire and arousal.
If you are a couple, keeping this desire for sex alive through fantasy is key to making sure there is plenty of newness and opportunity to initiate from both partners. Fantasy can be a way to heal and stay in the present moment with your body and your partner. Fantasy is a way to get yourself in the mood before entering into a sexual space with your partner. Fantasy can allow you the space and privacy to explore all your wildest kinks or desires that maybe you feel uncomfortable about until you are more comfortable speaking about them with your partner.
Fantasy ultimately allows you to keep your sexual spark ignited and flame lit.
How Do I Start To Fantasize?
Begin by thinking about things that have turned you on. Is there a scene from a book or movie that you wish was something you could experience? Is there a sexual act or situation you want to experience? Maybe sex outside or bondage? When you look at porn, what type of porn do you typically look at? Is there a specific person you like to think about? If so, what do you like about them that turns you on? Maybe you have had sex with them but maybe you just like how they dress, smell, walk, smile, or say ‘hello.’ Is there a sexual experience you have had recently or in your past that was one you will never forget and you can really imagine what it was like?
Think through all of these and see what stands out the most. Really focus in on all your different senses, use deep, steady, calm breaths to stay in the moment, and finally, close your eyes and let your imagination run wild!
If you are struggling with desire for sex or how to connect to your sexual self and would like more support, please use the button below to schedule your FREE 30 minute consultation with me and get you started on your journey to more connection and pleasure!
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