You and your partner are going to be around family for the holidays and you are having a hard time figuring out how to continue to prioritize each other through the busy demands and expectations of the holidays.
Maybe you will have family coming to stay with you, hosting with a house full of guests and not a lot of space or time to sneak off alone.
Maybe you are traveling for the holidays and have a demanding schedule of family that you will need to see.
Maybe you are staying with family for the holidays and feel weird trying to be intimate with your partner in your childhood bedroom.
Maybe you and your partner will be apart during the holidays visiting your own respected families and do not know how to still feel close to each other from afar.
No matter what your holiday experience entails, here are some tips on how to prioritize your relationship and your intimacy through all the chaos and stress.
Tips on How to Prioritize Sex and Intimacy During the Holidays.
Talk with your partner beforehand on what your expectations, needs, or wants are for your holiday experience before you head out for your holiday festivities. Holidays can be chaotic and full of family expectations that may or may not align with what you want out of your holiday. You and your partner may not even be fully aligned on what you want either. Spend some time sitting down with your partner and discussing what would make your holiday feel special and connected. Make sure that you both agree to the boundaries you want to set and hold to create the holiday that is best for you.
Give yourself permission and be creative. Whether you are hosting, are guests, traveling to many different family members, or are apart, give yourself permission to spend the holiday the way you want to spend it. I personally know how hard it is to split time between multiple families and decide who gets what holiday. When you have kids it can become even more complicated. Know that these are your holidays too and it is important create the type of holiday you want with your partner and family. If you have family coming to stay with you or are going to stay with family, plan a day or night where family can watch the kids while you and your partner take some time away and have a date together. This could even include an overnight at a nearby hotel. If it feels better to not be in a chaotic household where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells or share a bathroom, plan on getting your own accommodations close by so you can leave at the end of the day and have some time just the two of you or for just your family. If space is tight in your house and you would rather have family stay in their own accommodations, make that known so family members know what to expect. If you are apart for the holidays, plan a phone call or Facetime at the same time each day to check in with each other and then plan a fun holiday experience you and your partner could do to celebrate the holidays together either before or after your holiday travels.
Tell family your expectations and hold united firm boundaries together as a couple. Your experience of the holidays is just as important as everyone else’s and if you are killing yourself to make everyone else happy, it will make the holidays miserable and create resentment. Be kind and compassionate with your communication to family and also be firm and clear. Make sure to let people know if you will not be able to come to a family function because you would rather spend that time relaxing or being with you partner. Enlist your family members again to help get things done or watch the kids so you and your partner can have some time to yourselves. Say no to things that are too much and create more stress then you can manage or want to manage and say yes to things you really want to do. Making sure you and your partner stay untied and on the same page is important as well, so one person does not say yes to something you both agreed was too much.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself an exit strategy. Give yourself grace. Holidays are crazy and we often bite off more than we can chew. If you find yourself in over your head and you are experiencing anxiety, panic, or resentment, have a plan on how to gracefully back out of something and give yourself permission again to say no. Have a plan on how to leave your family gathering if you get upset or overwhelmed. If you are having a family gathering with family members who you have difficult relationships with, give yourself a time limit on how long you and your partner or family will stay and how you will leave at the end of the gathering. Protecting your physical and mental health will benefit you and your relationship in the long run and you can use that extra time to do something for yourselves.
If you are struggling this holiday season to find some time for you and your partner to connect or are having a hard time connecting in general, please click the button below to schedule your FREE 30 minute consultation and I would be happy to help you and your partner create more connection and pleasure.
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