When you and your partner have sex, you let your partner lead and have a hard time voicing the things you want and need.
Maybe there are things that you wish could be different about the sex you are having, and you do not know how to bring it up to your partner.
Sex has become something you may want to avoid or do not enjoy.
Maybe the aspect of pleasure has centered around your partner and you do not know how to change that.
You deserve to have the pleasure you want and crave with your partner.
Take Stalk of Where You Are At
If you are feeling like you are not satisfied with the sex you are having with you partner, take a step back and look at what the sex and intimacy you are having looks like and how you would want it to be different.
What does initiation look like for you? Is your partner the one that typically initiates? Do you like how they initiate? If not, what would you want to be different? Would you want to initiate more? If so, what would that look like?
Are you getting aroused enough for penetration? If no, then what leads up to penetration? Do you have enough foreplay and buildup to where that is something that you want?
If you do want penetration, are you doing positions that you and your partner both like or at least are you taking turns so you both are getting the pleasure you want? Or does your partner tend to only get the pleasure they want and then sex is over?
Is having an orgasm something you want, and if so, do you know how to get there? Are you and your partner working together to get you there or do you feel uncomfortable voicing the things you need to orgasm? Do you feel safe enough in your body and with your partner to get there? If you are someone with a vulva, are you receiving/providing for yourself multiple types of stimulation (not just penetration alone) in order for you to reach orgasm?
After sex, are you getting the care you want and need? Do you feel like there is connection afterwards or do you both just roll over and go to sleep or go back to doing individual tasks too quickly?
All of these questions can help you determine if you are having the sex you want and where there is room for improvement.
Communicate
Once you have identified the specific areas you would like to be different, have a conversation with your partner about what you want and need to be different.
Have the conversation outside of the bedroom and not in a moment where sex is on the table.
Use ‘I’ statements to communicate to your partner what your feelings are and express the needs you have without it coming across as though you are blaming your partner.
Know that your pleasure is just as important as your partner’s and if you do not ask for the things you want and need, no one will give them to you or know how to give them to you.
You can also allow this to be a space where your partner can take stalk of sex for them as well and the two of you can co-create what you want your sex to look like moving forward.
If you and your partner need help navigating through the sex you are having and how to make it the sex you WANT, then please click the button below to schedule your FREE 30 minute consultation, and I would be happy to guide you and your partner into having the sex that you both want and desire.