5 Tips For Keeping Intimacy Alive When Quarantined With Your Partner 24/7

Transcription: Hey everyone, I'm Kayla, The Millennial Therapist, and I am here to give you five tips today on how to keep intimacy and sex alive in your relationship when you are quarantined with your partner 24/7. Let's get into it. So this is a really hard time for everybody. But, those people that are quarantined with their partners, 24/7, it's a lot. There's a lot going on and um, it's hard to continue that special intimate time or just connecting time with each other when there's the stress of a pandemic in the world. There's the stress of having to find a new normal with your work schedules. Um, if you have kids or are living with another family member, maybe an elderly parent, um, that can be very stressful too. And, also doesn't give you a whole lot of time to just be together on your own. So here are some tips on how to keep your intimacy alive and healthy throughout this quarantine.   So tip number one is make time for this. I know that sounds kinda like 'No Duh', but it's important! It's important to make time for each other and set it aside. So actually put it on your calendar! Make it something that you can look forward to and especially in this time where, you know, Friday and Saturday and Sunday aren't really like exciting, happy days in our normal schedules anymore because they just kind of blend in with all the other days. Make this something that is on the calendar and something that you can really look forward to and that will help you to feel excited and to hopefully anticipate that happening.   So that kind of comes to tip number two is build it up, help create that anticipation and that can look like, you know, walking by each other throughout the day or throughout the week, kind of saying, "Hey, I'm really excited about Friday night. Um, when we get to spend time together, I really want to, you know, maybe dress up or wear something comfy or sexy!" Doesn't matter. Um, but just really building up that anticipation if you are wanting to like text each other from different parts of your house or apartment. Um, you can text each other cute things saying I'm really excited or um, can sext each other a picture while you're getting ready or something like that to kind of build up anticipation. So make it something that you are getting excited about.   Number three is make time for yourself. So that's kind of opposite of the first two, but it's really important that you are taking the time for yourself so that you can then be present with your partner during that time that you're going to spend together. Um, if you're on top of each other 24/7 and are getting really irritated with each other or are having a lot of conflict, whatever, it's really important that you step away and take some time for yourself. And again, it helps build that tension to the good tension of anticipation, I should say. Um, uh, being excited for that time that you get to spend together. So, you know, go take a walk by herself. Go take a drive by yourself. Even go sit in the car by herself or go sit in a different room and watch your favorite TV show or movie. Um, spend some time with your pet if you have a pet. Um, but go take care of yourself. Exercise, do the things that you need to do to take care of yourself so you can be present with your partner.   Um, four is be creative. Be creative in the things that, um, you do together. So something my husband and I have been doing is picking a different restaurant every week that we want to support during this quarantine and going and getting takeout and then coming home and watching a movie together. We're pretty, just kinda boring that way. But, um, now that it's getting nice outside, you know, you could cook something together and have a picnic. Um, even just cooking together in a kitchen together, saying together a lot, um, with music on or, you know, you can even make it very sexy and, you know, do it naked or partly naked. Um, you know, just find creative things that you do together. You can make fort together. You can do all fun games together. There's so many things, so be creative and try not to get stuck in doing the same thing every week. Um, bonus points if you can kind of trade off on who plans each week. So if one person, um, plans what you're going to do one week and then you switch off and the other person plans what you're going to do the next week so that nobody is kind of taking on that burden of having to plan it every single time. I think that is super awesome. So be creative.   Five is be patient and kind to yourself too, especially when it comes to sex, that this may not be a time that we're all feeling like super duper sexy. Maybe... we're definitely probably going to have some quarantine babies. But, if you are feeling stressed and not so in the mood, please tell your partner that and be creative in this way too. This is something that I work a lot with my couples on and trying to broaden their horizons and what sex and intimacy means. But there are plenty of things that you can do to still have a physical bond that aren't penetrative sex. So maybe it's just snuggle time together. Maybe you just want to snuggle and talk for 10-15 minutes together. Maybe you just give each other massages, maybe you lay naked together. Maybe if you're feeling up to it, you can masturbate together either, you know, masturbating each other or just individually next to each other.   Um, if you want, maybe you can incorporate some music, some candles, maybe play some strip games or whatever. But wherever you are at in how comfortable you're at that moment or where your stress level is and maybe it's just been a crazy day and you're just like, I, I can't even enter into the space of actually having like penetrative sex, but maybe just some snuggle time or some laying together naked time would be really nice. Communicate that to your partner and partners that are receiving that, you know, be kind to yourself and your partner as well and know that this is not about you. This is not you failing in any way or not doing what you need to be doing. It's just listening to what they have to say and being responsive to that. Um, we just, you know, this is unprecedented times. So if you normally have a date day each week and you have sex on that day, every single week and this week just doesn't feel like that's going to happen, that's okay. It is okay to do that. Um, so those are my tips. Those are my tips for you to keep intimacy alive, to be compassionate to yourselves and to your relationship and to make sure that you get through this really tough time.   Um, if you like this video, you can hit subscribe as all YouTube videos. Um, if you want to find me on other platforms, I'm on Facebook and Instagram @reclaimingstoriestherapy. Um, and if you are watching this video and you're in the greater Seattle/Tacoma area and are like, “yes, she would be awesome for my therapist.” Great! I would love to hear from you. You can go to my website at reclaimingstoriestherapy.com and it has all my information there. Um, my number, my email, my fillable form that you can fill out to contact me about what services you're looking for. Um, and I would be so happy to hear from you and see if we could work together. So until my next video, take care and I will see you next time. Bye.